So I realized that when people ask me how I am I can give a different answer to each person in a matter of five minutes. Do they really want to know how I am? What’s the point in even asking someone how they are when they don’t want to know the details? If they’re close friends I understand, but if they’re just acquaintances or passerby’s why is it the norm for people to ask, “How are you?”. This is something I wonder. I say how are you to people but I don’t really think anything of it. The main answers I get when I ask someone how they are would be “fine”, “okay”, “alright”, “good.” Those are the main answers I get from people. Even though it’s a form of communication, why are we so adapted to asking it anyways when we’re just constantly going to be getting the same answers? I’ve heard people say they’re not doing good or they’re doing bad. I’ve said it myself. When I do say that I’m doing bad some disregard it, while others ask “what’s wrong?” but they don’t want to really hear what’s wrong. Some do, but the vast majority don’t want to hear it.
Why not be able to say how bad you’re doing and not be judged by it? I am thoroughly judged but why? I know why, because I tell the truth. I NEVER pretend to be something I’m not. I’m always myself and people hate that. I don’t put up a front, I just don’t. I am the opposite of what society wants me to be. Not only am I Schizoaffective but I have OCD, not only do I have OCD I have PTSD, not only do I have PTSD I have depression, not only do I have depression I have high functioning autism, not only do I have high functioning autism, not only do I have high functioning autism I’m..what am I? Do all these things define me? Why do I have so much stuff I have to deal with? You know why? Because I can show other people that if I can get through it so can they. Because I can show people that ANYONE can succeed. I’m a first year college student and I exceeded on my spring term classes. I’m living off Social Security Disability but I’m looking for a job. I can’t communicate very well but I’m still doing my best to do so. There’s nothing wrong with living off social security just to clarify. It has done wonders for me and I appreciate getting the opportunity to have an income. Social Security is a good thing to have but I don’t want to live off it for the rest of my life. I feel like I can do more. All these things I have in my mind, THE WORKINGS OF MY MIND does not define me, it’s just a huge part of me. We are not alone!
You may wonder if I proofread my blog posts before I post them? Well, I don’t. I don’t because I don’t want to hinder the truth. Don’t let your mental illness define you. I’m still working on that. Soon you will read about my psychotic symptoms. But not in this particular blog post, maybe in my next one.
How am I?