Posted in Book Review, Uncategorized

Book Review #1

So I decided another portion of my blog is to review books and movies that pertain to mental illness. The first book I’m going to review is: The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn R. Saks

I finished this book about a month ago. I was trying to find a memoir about schizophrenia on Amazon and with much searching I came across this one. Elyn Saks story gave me hope. The journey she went through with her mental illness was extremely relatable. In this book she tells about all the shit she’s went through with her mental illness and how she’s learned to manage it.

When I first started reading this book I was struggling hardcore with my mental illness. I had come back from a relapse from drug addiction so my mental health was all out of whack. I wanted to read something that would inspire me and give me back the hope that I lost. I came across this, I read the description of this book and decided that this was the one I wanted to read. It may have taken me a while to read it due to my procrastination and stuff going on in my life, but I felt like I went through the journey with her. Nothing she said in the book shocked me. Reason being that I’ve felt those same exact ways. Her journey was rocky and it wasn’t easy but now she’s what they call a stable schizophrenic. That is something I strive to become. I’ve been stable for a month or so and that was the longest time I’ve reached stability. It’s possible. I was at a good point in my life but then I fell back into psychosis. I’m still working on hitting the point of stability again.

Mental illness is an every day struggle, it’s not easy, but it is possible to get and stay stable, Elyn Saks is a prime example of that. I’m not going to give out any spoilers because I would like people to read the book themselves but it’s definitely worth the read. Part of what helped me with my schizophrenia was reading this book. It showed me that there is hope and to never give up. Even when I feel discouraged I keep on going. When I fall, I get back up. When I want to quit, I reach out.

My life goal is to be happy, I have not yet achieved it, it’s been my goal for many years but I am well on my way to happiness. At this point in my life I am struggling with my mental illness but it’s slowly getting better. I’m getting some med changes so I’m going to be up and down but I’ll get through it, like I always do.

For anyone struggling, this book is on Amazon, that’s where I bought it. For anyone who would like to contact me with questions or more ideas for my blog feel free to email me at writings4theheart@gmail.com or visit my Facebook page Writings4theheart.

Thank you for reading.

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Define headspace (no, not the app)

There are things that are hard for me to define. I struggle with identifying my feelings. When I’m out in public I put on this while tough girl persona, I’ve been doing that since I was a teenager. I only know how to identify two feelings. Sad and mad. I haven’t found myself to be able to identify any other feelings because I’m afraid that people would view me as weak and someone that can get walked all over. Theres a feeling “scared.” But it’s doubtful that I’ll say it again anytime soon. That’s what happens when I don’t want to express my so called feelings. Every time I let my guard down I regret it. I’m not in a good headspace right now. But that’s okay because my blog isn’t always going to be super positive. It’s gonna be real. How will I help at least one person if all they see is positive shit? People need to see the struggles too and how I overcome them. There is no smooth ride for me. It’s bumpy, so many ups and downs. Due to me being bipolar, the ups and downs at times change within five minutes. My mental health is getting bad again, I feel like I’m at the point of no return, I want to give up. Will I give up? The answer is no because my mental illness doesn’t define me. I will be dealing with my mental illness for the rest of my life and I’ll continue to get back up every time I fall. Do I feel that now? No. Will I feel that in 5 minutes? Doubtful. An hour? Possibly. Tomorrow? Good chance. I’m not someone who gives up. As much as I want to. So yeah, I’m in a bad headspace right now. I’m going to a meeting shortly. Yes, I’m a recovering addict. I don’t remember if I mentioned that or not.

Posted in Uncategorized

Society

Society irritates me at times. Especially the media. The media portrays mental illness and disabilities negatively and I’m ashamed of the media and society for believing it. I can’t change what the media does and how society feels but I can in some sort make a difference. I’m not a very positive person. I’m very negative. But I am a good person with a loving heart. A lot of people think I’m crazy due to my schizophrenia and judge me based on that. Who are they to judge? I do have some good qualities and I’m highly intelligent, my past with multiple friendships haven’t been easy but I learn more each time. I’m not going to change who I am for other people. But I do improve and grow. I’m a good listener. I don’t always know what to say though. Anyone who says they don’t judge is somewhat fibbing. Everyone judges. But there’s different types of judging in my opinion. There’s judging in your head but putting the judgments to the side to get to know the person, there’s judging out loud not giving people a chance, there’s judging when you don’t like what other people like to say, etc. When I find myself judging someone I stop and think, who am I to judge? I don’t want to be judged and not have a chance, so why do it to other people? It took me a long time to realize that and I’m still a work in progress. Some things people say may shock me, but I love them enough not to let that effect our friendship. Well, I have finals to take at school so I will make another blog post later. Thank for reading.

Posted in The workings of my mind

We’re not alone

I started this blog on tumblr but decided to switch. WordPress is what’s been better for me in the past so I decided to go back to it. I’ve had multiple blogs in the past, one of which was a really good one that wound up with a lot of followers. Getting a lot of followers isn’t my goal though. My goal is to inspire at least one person. I’m not trying to get a lot of followers.

So to explain my blog, I’m not entirely sure what exactly it’s going to entail. If anyone has any ideas please let me know. I know some of which will be included in this blog. The workings of my mind is one, my rants as another, Q&As if people are willing to participate, and whatever else. I’m an aspiring writer, writing is my passion and always has been. I’ve always been told that I should do something with it. I’m in the process of writing my own book. I’m still brainstorming ideas on what exactly I want the book to entail. I know that the primary purpose for the book will be mental illness. I live with multiple mental illnesses. I have schizoaffective disorder which means that I’m schizophrenic and bipolar. For my schizophrenia, I’m on the paranoid side and as for my bipolar, I’m on the manic side.

So just to inform the readers, some people will get angry with what I say, some people will unfollow me due to that, but I’m okay with that. I’m not going to set myself to a standard that I can’t reach. Everything I say is from the heart. If you do happen to like this blog, I hope it helps you, you as in the reader.

So to explain my blog name, writings4theheart, it does have a lot of significance to it. I’ll explain it all in sections and then as a whole. Let’s start with “writings.” I am a writer, I may not be an author or someone famous or even someone well known or well liked. I’m more of an outcast. So for writings it’s the workings of my mind which I will mention many times, the way my mind gets all messed up because a lot of times I can’t deal with my emotions. My rants, my anger, when I’m having a good day, when I’m having a bad day. You will see it all. You will see it all because I want people to know that they’re not alone, hence the title of this blog post, “We are not alone.” I say we because nobody should feel like they don’t belong. I’ve been through a lot of shit and I haven’t felt like I belong my whole life. Now for the “4” part. It’s honestly mostly because my username would be take if it didn’t have it as the number 4. After putting the number 4 it started to make some sense. With that I mean that instead of it being “for” like society wants it to be, it’s “4” because it shows something different. As for the “heart,” I mostly explained that part but I have a big heart, I may not show it all the time, but I’m sensitive and emotional and that shows that I have a heart.

Stay tuned, more to come soon. If you have any questions that you want answered on here anonymously or even a private message, please email me at writings4theheart@gmail.com or check out my facebook blog page. Thank you for reading my first blog post, goodnight.